Sunday, December 31, 2006

Pet rules!

or is that supposed to be pets rule?

Whatever... Hi, Miss Minnie here with a New Year blog post for all you cat-lovers... and also those of you who tolerate dogs.

This is my first time here, I'm usually too busy to bother with such trivial things. I'm the "shop cat" in this family and I sleep in the garage. I've yet to discover an Ethernet connection out there so I don't often get a chance to paw mom's keyboard.

Anyway, mom found this list of "Pet Rules" and she thought it would be a nice way of introducing the new year to her animal loving friends. Well here goes...

Pet rules!
(To be posted snout height on the refrigerator door)

Dear Dogs and Cats,

The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate of food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years -- canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:

To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets

1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

Remember: dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
1. Eat less
2. Don't ask for money all the time
3. Are easier to train
4. Usually come when called
5. Never drive your car
6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends
7. Don't smoke or drink
8. Don't worry about having to buy the latest fashions
9. Don't wear your clothes
10. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and
11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children.
Anyway, those are mom's pet rules and she thought you might get a chuckle out of this. But mostly, mom wanted me to wish all of you a very special...
Happy New Year

Thursday, December 28, 2006

Puff and Pooh, Movie Stars!

Pooh: Hey Lilly, did you know that Puff and me are movie stars?

Lilly: Right. You think that just because mom can't let that camera get three inches from her hand that she wants YOUR picture?

Puff: No Lilly, its true... mom put a video of us on YouTube and now we're movie stars.

Lilly: Cecil B. DeMille couldn't make you two "movie stars" if he had a gazillion-dollar budget. You guys don't do anything cute, you just sleep all the time and lick each other.

Pooh: If you won't believe us, look at our movie debut below!

Lilly: That's disgusting. You just wait until mom sees me doing something really cool...

Pooh: We can wait...

Monday, December 18, 2006

Merry Christmas

Lilly: Pooh, you look ridiculous in that hat.

Pooh: And you think this was my idea?

Lilly: So, your paws don't reach your head anymore? You spending too much time bending over the food dish?

Pooh: Have you looked in a mirror lately? Most people can't tell if you're a polar bear or what.

Lilly: Yeah, well mom likes me best because she took me to get my picture with Santa Claus. I didn't see you getting your picture with Santa.

Pooh: Wait one minute! You think I look ridiculous in a hat, but you're all excited to get your picture taken with a guy who has the same hat and a matching pajama-outfit to boot?

Lilly: It's a people thing. They see this fellow once each year and get all excited about it. If they really like you, you're taken to meet him. I didn't see you get your picture taken, and, he gave me a treat.

Pooh: So that makes you special?

Lilly: What can I say... mom likes me best.

Pooh: I sleep with mom, you don't. When she's watching TV, I get to sit in her lap, and you don't. I get to follow her into the bathroom and where ever she goes.

Lilly: You still look dumb in that hat.

Pooh: Maybe we should do what mom asked us to do and wish everyone a Merry Christmas.

Lilly: Since I know Santa and you don't, maybe I should be the one to
wish everyone a Merry Christmas.

Pooh: Why don't we do it together. . .

Pooh & Lilly: Merry Christmas everybody!

Lilly: Pooh, that was nice, but you still look dumb in that hat.

Sunday, December 10, 2006

Lilly - Criminal Dog! (part 1)

( Mug Shot) Lilly talking with Puff

Lilly: Hey Puff, did you hear that a "good neighbor" of ours complained about my barking?

Puff: You're a dog; you bark. Dogs bark, what's with that?

Lilly: Yeah, but this guy called the sheriff! I feel like a criminal. No one ever call the police to complain about cats... that's not fair.

Puff: They called "The Law" on you? For barking? How cool!

Lilly: Dad didn't see it as "cool". I heard him talking to mom and they are as mad at this neighbor as they got at me when I had diarrhea in the living room. Apparently this neighbor is a real "piece of work", I heard dad say. In two years he never called to complain, just - up and calls the sheriff one day at 6:00 in the afternoon.

Puff: So are you going to get arrested - do hard time? Will you get a jailhouse tattoo?

Lilly: Well, I think the sheriff thought this was as funny as you do, he said that in six years on the job he had never cited a barking dog... especially out here in the country. No one seems to complain when I bark at bears, mountain lions or people coming up our drive. I wonder what caused this "good neighbor" of ours to cross over to the "dark side"?

Puff: Let me get this straight... we live 10 miles outside of town on 5 densly wooded acres, you can't even see this neighbor's house from our front yard; we have carnivores like bears, mountain lions, coyotes (oh my!) as regular visitors and you're not allowed to bark? What do we need you for?

Lilly: It seems the county has a law about barking dogs, but according to dad it is a really dumb law. It says that anyone can complain about a dog who is barking unduly", but unduly is not defined. Mom and dad don't know if unduly means I'm allowed to bark 2 min. per hour, 20 min. per hour, before midnight, after lunch, Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays only.... how dumb is that?

Puff: So, I can complain, that is... I can sick the sheriff on you if you bark 5 times and I think you should only bark three times, is that how I understand this law? Do you have the sheriff's number handy?

Lilly: And they don't think cats are as smart as dogs! Gee Puff, you're a regular Einstein!

Puff: Thanks, is Einstein a cat or a dog?

Lilly: Back to the important things... my liberty and legal limitations of my barking... mom and dad are meeting our "good neighbor" in court. They decided to make the county define when I'm allowed to bark and when I have to be quiet.

NOTE from the pack leader: This conversation between Lilly and Puff(may or) may not have taken place, but the absurd citation for a barking dog was actually served. It was surprising enough to discover that here in rural Montana, a barking dog ordinance actually existed, but what is even more perplexing is that a neighbor living acres away was so inconsiderate as to never call or knock on our door to complain. Lilly's been doing her job as a watchdog for more than two years, and we have NEVER received a complaint from any neighbor.... until the sheriff knocked on our door.

To Be Continued...

Sunday, December 03, 2006

Miss Minnie's Cat House

In our last post we talked about Lilly Belle's fancy kennel, but the real celebrity critter around our place is Minnie, our "shop cat". Minnie's job in the spring and summer is to keep our prairie dog population at bay, and I must admit she does an admirable job. For the rest of the year, she roams our property and brings home anything that is smaller than her.

As an outside cat, Minnie has to undergo some pretty harsh weather. She's slept outside when it has been twenty-below zero. But we don't just toss her in the garage and forget about her, she is actually quite a pampered kitten. Minnie has her own website and you need to visit "Miss Minnie's Cat House".

Minnie's food is kept at the 'big house' so that it doesn't freeze. In the shop she has a heated water dish and her very own cat house with heated sleeping accommodations. You've gotta see this... Minnie's shop-condo is a 2-story affair lined in carpet (including the ramp to the 2nd. floor). The first floor is her feeding station, food storage, etc. To make thing easy, we use disposable paper trays instead of a food dish that would require daily washing.

Miss Minnie earns her keep around here and we take care of her and treat her like a local celebrity.